she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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