My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
