I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I will pee on everything he values.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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