woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
