I faked an abortion last night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are we still banned from the library?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
