I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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