2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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