thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
