You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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