Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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