Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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