My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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