How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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