I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
