She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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