Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He better not be in your backpack
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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