20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
