As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
