i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
