you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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