We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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