Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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