oh god the rape fog is back!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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