The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
