I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
