she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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