Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
