My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
