dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
