So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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