New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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