bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's like iHOP with fire
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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