Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
