I am in a vortex of obligation.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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