I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm always down for nudity.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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