In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
