is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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