i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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