trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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