I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
