i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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