guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
