I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
