The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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