OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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