I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
