As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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