"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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