so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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