i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
