omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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