maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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