I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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