I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
