I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we're so committed to being not committed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
