Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize