Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
