i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
