Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
