I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
