you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
