I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
