Umm I'm too high to move.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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