So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
