Only a mothe r could love this liver
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
