Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
