A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
one might say we're banned from that church
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
