nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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