i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
