my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
