Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
