you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
