I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
