Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
