Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
