Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
