the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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