She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
