He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
