he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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