So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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