Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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