i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize