Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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