I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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