Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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