just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
