i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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