His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
