I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
