You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
