i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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