If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she told me i tasted like america
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm too high and old for this...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize