Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
