i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
