I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
