My hand turned me down
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize