I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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