Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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