i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
