woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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