i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
