My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
