no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
