I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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