I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
