the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
