I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
