How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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