K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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