In the future we'll all be gay
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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