I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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